This is the second of a two-part piece entitled “Loneliness”. The other is here.
This holiday season, I am given pause thinking of the pervading loneliness,
Plaguing my fragile soul, searing me, dominating me, weakening me.
Would that I could have the integrity to not feel so lonely about my aloneness.
Rather, to accept it, embrace it; because for whatever reason, it is me.
Why am I not consoled by company? History, with all its philosophers and writers,
Its lovers, its actors, its musicians, its artists, detail in lasting form their kindred feelings.
I imagine I am more unique, unusually damned, more lonely, even more melancholy, than he or she
My faults or my past are even deeper than yours. Egocentricity and irrationality are a potent mix.
I should be pleased it has not warped my mind, or made a habitual drinker or user of me.
I could be outwardly angrier, or more calloused. Maybe I even lack the integrity to rebel.
That existential angst, seemingly hidden by my peers, unknown to the bar patron, the devoutly religious,
The recluse, the powermonger, the skydiver. Perhaps the companions I can relish are
Perhaps the companions I can relish are those with the courage to stand and be counted,
Philosophers – Nietzsche, Sartre, Camus, Heidegger, Kierkegaard, and Frankl.
Maybe countless people similar to myself sought solace and consolation in their words.
It is possible that there are ten people on Earth, this very moment, having like ideas.
My goal is to hold on until my emotional ship comes in, or I am defeated.
“Loneliness, Part II” © Jason Merchey 2000-2017
Picture of Robin Williams © Robin Williams